They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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