1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
