Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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