so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
