I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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