at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
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Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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