I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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