I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
