are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it's like heaven, but drunker
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
