omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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