so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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