I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
