Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
