How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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