wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
