He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
