I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
