none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
