Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
