Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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