I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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