I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
