i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
