True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
