My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
