Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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