my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
