i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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