I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
