i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
