You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
