i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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