member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize