Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
