There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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