My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
