How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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