Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
