Swine flu. Run for my life!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I party with great urgency now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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