I'd wear matching sweaters with you
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
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I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?