listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
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He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We left the knife in your bed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
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