All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
