my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
