You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
