What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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