Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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