she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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