My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize