Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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