hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
