i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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