Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize