My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
