Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
