i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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