I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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