The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
