My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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