I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
