Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
