Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
