why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
