You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
