First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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